Today's title is self-explanatory: despite the ample free time I have down here while on this small vacation, I once again skipped a day on this blog. I have ample excuses, but will spare you the noise in favor of the one-word explanation.
Monday, my mom and I attended a local AA meeting. It was the first meeting I've gone to out of my own neighborhood and I was pleased to see that, despite the geographic distance, the meeting provided the same sense of fellowship and acceptance I've found at the meetings closer to home.
Appropriately enough, it was a Big Book study meeting. We took turns reading paragraphs from the Big Book (the chapter "We Agnostics"), and people felt free to share if a particular passage motivated them. They were the same stories you hear everywhere, but spiced with details particular to the individuals sharing. I suppose that's one of the beauties of AA: it's nice to be in a group where you all share a significant aspect of your personality, but where your individual differences are accepted and appreciated. At least that's how it feels to me.
What a surprise how I've turned around on my opinion of AA. It's a welcome surprise. Richard Brautigan once wrote something like "The last surprise is realizing that there are no more surprises." I'm glad I'm not yet to that point, where I can still learn more about the world and myself. (Cue strings)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
(Un) Altered States
Greetings all,
It goes well here in the land of sobriety. I suppose.
One term that you here a lot in AA circles is "Living life on life's terms", or "Facing life on life's terms". Seemingly simple and obvious for most people, but difficult for us addicts. I can remember being in the inpatient rehab and reflecting back on how I've really lived most of my life in some sort of altered state or other. Undoing that can sometimes seem nearly impossible, though the actual mechanics of it are trivial: don't use any psychoactive substances. It is the execution and follow through that are the difficulty.
But I am doing it. As Yoda said, "There is no try, only do." As my sponsor said, "Just don't drink."
It is obvious, but our minds throw up all sorts of obstacles: "I deserve this.", "I can't handle this.", "Just one will be okay." We have to find the sensible, calm voice in our heads instead of listening to these negative spasms.
In the meantime, I will just keep on keeping on. More to follow.
It goes well here in the land of sobriety. I suppose.
One term that you here a lot in AA circles is "Living life on life's terms", or "Facing life on life's terms". Seemingly simple and obvious for most people, but difficult for us addicts. I can remember being in the inpatient rehab and reflecting back on how I've really lived most of my life in some sort of altered state or other. Undoing that can sometimes seem nearly impossible, though the actual mechanics of it are trivial: don't use any psychoactive substances. It is the execution and follow through that are the difficulty.
But I am doing it. As Yoda said, "There is no try, only do." As my sponsor said, "Just don't drink."
It is obvious, but our minds throw up all sorts of obstacles: "I deserve this.", "I can't handle this.", "Just one will be okay." We have to find the sensible, calm voice in our heads instead of listening to these negative spasms.
In the meantime, I will just keep on keeping on. More to follow.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Travel Time (Excuses)
Aloha all,
My apologies for not keeping up the daily posts. I have no explanation except distraction. I'm currently on vacation, down to the south to visit my mother for a week. It'll be a pleasant one I'm sure with good food, card games, and relaxing times.
So what else is new?
I bought the AA Big Book Thursday evening and brought it with me to read on the trip. Picked it up for the first time today and am finding it useful. Most of it makes perfect sense and correlates with my experience thus far (including the descriptions of those who would or could not recognize themselves as alcoholics).
At any rate...
On the way here I learned one of my triggers to drink: airport bars. I am the kind of traveler who prefers to arrive early rather than make a mad dash or have one's stomach sink at seeing the line of people at the security checkpoint. It's been a while since I've flown. I don't think I've traveled by air previously during the time I have not been (or was not supposed to be) drinking. So I was unprepared for the feeling that came over me as I walked past the dark airport bar. A nostalgic pull. In the old days, if I had a couple hours before my flight to kill (regardless of how early in the morning), part of that killing would include a couple drinks in an airport bar.
Something about travel triggers that desire for an altered state. I feel it again when the beverage cart came down the aisle, I think instinctively of bourbon and Coke. Wow, I really must've been a lush in the old days.
Fortunately, I was able to resist the urges and maintain my sobriety, but the experience was a valuable one in exposing the occasionally unexpected places one can be tempted. The thought is always of how I was and how I could handle it. Now I recognize, that despite the past, I can't now. And I also start to see that if I really was drinking such that I couldn't pass up a drink at 9 in the morning, just because I was going on an airplane flight, that maybe I didn't have it under as much control as I previously thought.
I'll try not to leave you hanging for so long next time. Thanks to all who continue to read.
My apologies for not keeping up the daily posts. I have no explanation except distraction. I'm currently on vacation, down to the south to visit my mother for a week. It'll be a pleasant one I'm sure with good food, card games, and relaxing times.
So what else is new?
I bought the AA Big Book Thursday evening and brought it with me to read on the trip. Picked it up for the first time today and am finding it useful. Most of it makes perfect sense and correlates with my experience thus far (including the descriptions of those who would or could not recognize themselves as alcoholics).
At any rate...
On the way here I learned one of my triggers to drink: airport bars. I am the kind of traveler who prefers to arrive early rather than make a mad dash or have one's stomach sink at seeing the line of people at the security checkpoint. It's been a while since I've flown. I don't think I've traveled by air previously during the time I have not been (or was not supposed to be) drinking. So I was unprepared for the feeling that came over me as I walked past the dark airport bar. A nostalgic pull. In the old days, if I had a couple hours before my flight to kill (regardless of how early in the morning), part of that killing would include a couple drinks in an airport bar.
Something about travel triggers that desire for an altered state. I feel it again when the beverage cart came down the aisle, I think instinctively of bourbon and Coke. Wow, I really must've been a lush in the old days.
Fortunately, I was able to resist the urges and maintain my sobriety, but the experience was a valuable one in exposing the occasionally unexpected places one can be tempted. The thought is always of how I was and how I could handle it. Now I recognize, that despite the past, I can't now. And I also start to see that if I really was drinking such that I couldn't pass up a drink at 9 in the morning, just because I was going on an airplane flight, that maybe I didn't have it under as much control as I previously thought.
I'll try not to leave you hanging for so long next time. Thanks to all who continue to read.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Moron Acceptance
Hi,
I said last night that I'd probably have more to say about acceptance, and here it is.
I'm starting to see aspects of my personality that reinforce and contribute to my addiction and lack of acceptance is definitely one of those. I'm one of those people who mostly wants things just so, and gets irritated when some other person doesn't automatically read my mind and make sure they abide by my unwritten, but obvious (to me anyway) rules.
We addicts and alcoholics do always want it our way. And when we don't get it that way right away, we start looking for other outlets for control, the most serious of which is our drug (or drugs) of choice. It's just a variant of "Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink." Regardless of what the other people in our lives do, we figure we can always turn to our own consciousnesses for a source of control. Don't want to feel tense? Have a drink. Mad, or sad? Have a drink. See there's nothing that can't be improved upon with a little drink. Just one. To take the edge off. Cause that idiot cut us off in traffic.
But of course, we know it doesn't stop with just one. Or even worse, that it really *doesn't* improve upon things. It just takes them to a place we're familiar with. Sometimes that familiar shitty place can be preferable to an unknown nice place. And that is why we have to learn acceptance: to deal with the unknown.
"The Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change."
I said last night that I'd probably have more to say about acceptance, and here it is.
I'm starting to see aspects of my personality that reinforce and contribute to my addiction and lack of acceptance is definitely one of those. I'm one of those people who mostly wants things just so, and gets irritated when some other person doesn't automatically read my mind and make sure they abide by my unwritten, but obvious (to me anyway) rules.
We addicts and alcoholics do always want it our way. And when we don't get it that way right away, we start looking for other outlets for control, the most serious of which is our drug (or drugs) of choice. It's just a variant of "Poor me, Poor me, Pour me a drink." Regardless of what the other people in our lives do, we figure we can always turn to our own consciousnesses for a source of control. Don't want to feel tense? Have a drink. Mad, or sad? Have a drink. See there's nothing that can't be improved upon with a little drink. Just one. To take the edge off. Cause that idiot cut us off in traffic.
But of course, we know it doesn't stop with just one. Or even worse, that it really *doesn't* improve upon things. It just takes them to a place we're familiar with. Sometimes that familiar shitty place can be preferable to an unknown nice place. And that is why we have to learn acceptance: to deal with the unknown.
"The Serenity to Accept the things I cannot change."
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Tuesday Acceptance
Today was a reasonable day. I'm wrapping it up watching TV on the couch, typing away.
The topic theme for tonight's AA meeting was "acceptance", a pretty standard AA subject. I'm a little tired and won't write much, but I wanted to note a realization I came to, thanks to the people who shared at the meeting: Acceptance is more or less an all or nothing thing. We don't get to choose the parts of life we accept. That's kind of the antithesis of acceptance.
The beauty of this is that as we practice acceptance in each part of our lives, it reinforces the process of acceptance throughout all parts of our lives. Think about it. It's a fractal thing. Maybe more on this tomorrow.
The topic theme for tonight's AA meeting was "acceptance", a pretty standard AA subject. I'm a little tired and won't write much, but I wanted to note a realization I came to, thanks to the people who shared at the meeting: Acceptance is more or less an all or nothing thing. We don't get to choose the parts of life we accept. That's kind of the antithesis of acceptance.
The beauty of this is that as we practice acceptance in each part of our lives, it reinforces the process of acceptance throughout all parts of our lives. Think about it. It's a fractal thing. Maybe more on this tomorrow.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Time and Time Again
[Okay, let's try to get out of the funk from that last post....]
For whatever reason, I'm noticing similarities between the various states I find myself in. An alcoholic for instance. Unemployed. They both have a way of messing with time. Mix in a little major depression for spice and you're talking a head-spinning concoction.
In the morning I play the game of "just ten more minutes", where I talk myself into tossing and turning for another fifteen minutes for no apparent reason, since I never feel more rested than when the game started at 6:15am. Sometimes, especially if I'm lucky enough to nod off, that interval can seem practically eternal. Other times, it passes in a rush.
I guess the point here, for myself anyway, since I'm supposed to be writing this blog as a way of helping myself, is just to get the heck up and get in motion. Time spent constructively will be time well spent, particularly if I am being mindful only of the task at hand. I amaze myself at how I can simultaneously be bored, yet worried about all the things that await my attention and time.
One universal piece of advice I've been getting, concerning both addiction and unemployment is to "stay busy". And I think I need to start putting that advice into action. Not merely by doing things to just consume time (like watching TV), but by becoming actively engaged. If I go to a meeting because that hour and a half is a guaranteed time that I won't be tempted to drink, that's all well and good, but it's even better if I give my full attention to whomever's speaking.
I seem to be afraid of time (like it's an obstacle to overcome, something to be endured) while also being afraid of not having enough time. I face this paradox by desiring to alter my perception of time, hence my alcoholism. I sometimes live life like it's a race, or a book whose end you're so anxious to reach that you start skipping pages just to get it over with. I need to start remembering that each moment stands alone and only comes once. The past and the future are mental constructs we use to make sense of things, but they can become obstacles. We end up so preoccupied with our grudges or our insecurity that we're paralyzed in the present.
I know that time is a box that you can't think your way out of, but in the coming days I will be doing my best to live life (to use that old canard) one day at a time, one breath at at time. Plan, but don't fret. Reminisce, but don't regret.
Stay tuned if you want to know how it works out. And thanks for your attention.
For whatever reason, I'm noticing similarities between the various states I find myself in. An alcoholic for instance. Unemployed. They both have a way of messing with time. Mix in a little major depression for spice and you're talking a head-spinning concoction.
In the morning I play the game of "just ten more minutes", where I talk myself into tossing and turning for another fifteen minutes for no apparent reason, since I never feel more rested than when the game started at 6:15am. Sometimes, especially if I'm lucky enough to nod off, that interval can seem practically eternal. Other times, it passes in a rush.
I guess the point here, for myself anyway, since I'm supposed to be writing this blog as a way of helping myself, is just to get the heck up and get in motion. Time spent constructively will be time well spent, particularly if I am being mindful only of the task at hand. I amaze myself at how I can simultaneously be bored, yet worried about all the things that await my attention and time.
One universal piece of advice I've been getting, concerning both addiction and unemployment is to "stay busy". And I think I need to start putting that advice into action. Not merely by doing things to just consume time (like watching TV), but by becoming actively engaged. If I go to a meeting because that hour and a half is a guaranteed time that I won't be tempted to drink, that's all well and good, but it's even better if I give my full attention to whomever's speaking.
I seem to be afraid of time (like it's an obstacle to overcome, something to be endured) while also being afraid of not having enough time. I face this paradox by desiring to alter my perception of time, hence my alcoholism. I sometimes live life like it's a race, or a book whose end you're so anxious to reach that you start skipping pages just to get it over with. I need to start remembering that each moment stands alone and only comes once. The past and the future are mental constructs we use to make sense of things, but they can become obstacles. We end up so preoccupied with our grudges or our insecurity that we're paralyzed in the present.
I know that time is a box that you can't think your way out of, but in the coming days I will be doing my best to live life (to use that old canard) one day at a time, one breath at at time. Plan, but don't fret. Reminisce, but don't regret.
Stay tuned if you want to know how it works out. And thanks for your attention.
Every Other Day
"Every other day (every other day) of the week is fine, yeah.
But when Monday comes..."
My resolution for daily posts seems to have broken down. Like everything else, I need to work on that.
However, today, my counselor Ken, brought up my perfectionism as a source of conflict and problems. I guess I never really thought much about it specifically. I'm good at certain things and I try to maintain and perfect (aha!) my skills over time.
But it's that inherent alcoholic desire for control that paradoxically leads to a loss of control. We categorize and isolate, but acceptance comes at a cost. And accepting that we might be at fault or make a mistake is the toughest thing. Although (again, paradoxically) we are very good at blaming ourselves for circumstances over which we have absolutely no control.
For instance, the loss of my job. I've spent too much time wondering what I did wrong, how I couldn't see it coming, what I should have done differently? When the most likely reasons I was laid off have little to nothing to do with me as an individual. I was a very expensive, long term, remote employee with vague job responsibilities. HP has changed as a company to not value the unique things I brought to the table.
Ugh. It's depressing just thinking about it. When I figure out a way to turn this thread in a positive direction, I'll be back. (My younger son, Gary, is ready to accompany me to the grocery store, so I need to be responsive to his desire to help when he wants to help. I'm only slightly being sarcastic here. I need to go now to the grocery store anyway. And now is as good a time as any.)
More as the situation develops. Back to you [insert name of news anchor here].
But when Monday comes..."
My resolution for daily posts seems to have broken down. Like everything else, I need to work on that.
However, today, my counselor Ken, brought up my perfectionism as a source of conflict and problems. I guess I never really thought much about it specifically. I'm good at certain things and I try to maintain and perfect (aha!) my skills over time.
But it's that inherent alcoholic desire for control that paradoxically leads to a loss of control. We categorize and isolate, but acceptance comes at a cost. And accepting that we might be at fault or make a mistake is the toughest thing. Although (again, paradoxically) we are very good at blaming ourselves for circumstances over which we have absolutely no control.
For instance, the loss of my job. I've spent too much time wondering what I did wrong, how I couldn't see it coming, what I should have done differently? When the most likely reasons I was laid off have little to nothing to do with me as an individual. I was a very expensive, long term, remote employee with vague job responsibilities. HP has changed as a company to not value the unique things I brought to the table.
Ugh. It's depressing just thinking about it. When I figure out a way to turn this thread in a positive direction, I'll be back. (My younger son, Gary, is ready to accompany me to the grocery store, so I need to be responsive to his desire to help when he wants to help. I'm only slightly being sarcastic here. I need to go now to the grocery store anyway. And now is as good a time as any.)
More as the situation develops. Back to you [insert name of news anchor here].
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Ups and Downs
Hey all,
This is Day 28 of not drinking alcohol. Hoo-ray.
But one thing I'm learning about early recovery is that while every day of not drinking feels like a valuable accomplishment, there are still ups and downs to the days. Some days feel really great and you get a lot done, but others you tend to get pushed back down into the old funkaroo.
Yesterday, Glen and I visited another school - a medium-sized liberal arts school a couple hours away. I really liked it, definitely better than the big state school we visited Wednesday. It felt more like a college than a resort. The weather was beautiful and I had a very nice time with Glen; even the drive was relatively enjoyable.
The school's located in Washington, D.C. and I could tell that would provide a lot of potential value in terms of being located near the nation's center of power. They mentioned the possibility of internships at several important government organizations.
Well, I seem to be getting off track here.... Despite the fun and energy of yesterday, today was a bit of a drag: no energy and a fair amount of residual pain from my pancreatitis. It's strange how some days you can be so very motivated, and on others, you just feel like crap. Today was one of those days. I guess the thing I have to be thankful for is that even with this lousy day, I didn't have the urge to pick up and drink. In fact, the pain is a good reminder not to do so. So I guess even that can be turned into a positive aspect.
Tomorrow I will need to make sure to get outside more to enjoy the really nice weather we've been having. Very nice, especially after how crappy a winter we had with all the snow. And there's also a good Sunday AA meeting to look forward to.
Hope all you readers are doing well. Sayonara for now.
This is Day 28 of not drinking alcohol. Hoo-ray.
But one thing I'm learning about early recovery is that while every day of not drinking feels like a valuable accomplishment, there are still ups and downs to the days. Some days feel really great and you get a lot done, but others you tend to get pushed back down into the old funkaroo.
Yesterday, Glen and I visited another school - a medium-sized liberal arts school a couple hours away. I really liked it, definitely better than the big state school we visited Wednesday. It felt more like a college than a resort. The weather was beautiful and I had a very nice time with Glen; even the drive was relatively enjoyable.
The school's located in Washington, D.C. and I could tell that would provide a lot of potential value in terms of being located near the nation's center of power. They mentioned the possibility of internships at several important government organizations.
Well, I seem to be getting off track here.... Despite the fun and energy of yesterday, today was a bit of a drag: no energy and a fair amount of residual pain from my pancreatitis. It's strange how some days you can be so very motivated, and on others, you just feel like crap. Today was one of those days. I guess the thing I have to be thankful for is that even with this lousy day, I didn't have the urge to pick up and drink. In fact, the pain is a good reminder not to do so. So I guess even that can be turned into a positive aspect.
Tomorrow I will need to make sure to get outside more to enjoy the really nice weather we've been having. Very nice, especially after how crappy a winter we had with all the snow. And there's also a good Sunday AA meeting to look forward to.
Hope all you readers are doing well. Sayonara for now.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Not All About Drinking
Day 26 of Sobriety (Holy Cow).
I've got another college visit tomorrow with a much longer drive so I'm going to keep this short. I shared at the AA meeting I attended this evening, but I didn't really share about drinking specifically; rather it was about the different kinds of thinking that seem to develop when one makes the decision to calm down and accept things. Yesterday morning, I had a hard time getting in touch with Glen (who was staying at his mom's) to make sure he was awake and ready to go. I couldn't reach him by phone though we had agreed that I would call his cell phone at 8 to make sure he was ready to get up and go. I finally had to throw my clothes on, grab my gear, and run over there to make sure he was up. He was and we ended up having plenty of time to get on the road on time. The thing that I noticed was different, was although I was initially somewhat perturbed and angry that he wasn't ready according to plan, as soon as I realized we still had plenty of time, I calmed down. In the past, I probably would have held a grumpy grudge for at least a half hour and ended up spoiling the beginning of what was a great day.
But for whatever reason, I quickly got a hold of my temper and just let it go. It was a great improvement. Like I said, it doesn't necessarily directly relate to drinking, but it was more the kind of thinking that develops from thinking soberly and accepting things rather than always trying to manage every little detail.
I've got another college visit tomorrow with a much longer drive so I'm going to keep this short. I shared at the AA meeting I attended this evening, but I didn't really share about drinking specifically; rather it was about the different kinds of thinking that seem to develop when one makes the decision to calm down and accept things. Yesterday morning, I had a hard time getting in touch with Glen (who was staying at his mom's) to make sure he was awake and ready to go. I couldn't reach him by phone though we had agreed that I would call his cell phone at 8 to make sure he was ready to get up and go. I finally had to throw my clothes on, grab my gear, and run over there to make sure he was up. He was and we ended up having plenty of time to get on the road on time. The thing that I noticed was different, was although I was initially somewhat perturbed and angry that he wasn't ready according to plan, as soon as I realized we still had plenty of time, I calmed down. In the past, I probably would have held a grumpy grudge for at least a half hour and ended up spoiling the beginning of what was a great day.
But for whatever reason, I quickly got a hold of my temper and just let it go. It was a great improvement. Like I said, it doesn't necessarily directly relate to drinking, but it was more the kind of thinking that develops from thinking soberly and accepting things rather than always trying to manage every little detail.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
25, But Who's Counting?
Hey all,
Today was a long busy day of visiting the campus of one of the local state (but out-of-state) schools with Glen. Boy, college sure has changed since I attended back in the 80's. The place was practically like a resort with food courts, multiple gyms and athletic centers. I guess part of the mood was set by the absolutely beautiful weather we had today: sunny and warm, almost, *almost*, uncomfortably warm on the back of my neck at times.
It felt really good to be taking part in Glen's development in a really active way. We'll be doing the same thing on Friday only a slightly farther drive to a small private college.
And it also felt good to not let my identity be driven by my alcoholism and addiction for a day. Just a normal father guiding and being guided by his exceptional son.
Although by the end of the day my back was sore and I was very tired, it was a good rewarding tired and I think Glen and I both grew a bit today.
Tomorrow night I'll have a meeting to attend and maybe the blog will be a bit more on topic, but for today I'll take normalcy and sunny weather.
Signing off,
Noel...
Today was a long busy day of visiting the campus of one of the local state (but out-of-state) schools with Glen. Boy, college sure has changed since I attended back in the 80's. The place was practically like a resort with food courts, multiple gyms and athletic centers. I guess part of the mood was set by the absolutely beautiful weather we had today: sunny and warm, almost, *almost*, uncomfortably warm on the back of my neck at times.
It felt really good to be taking part in Glen's development in a really active way. We'll be doing the same thing on Friday only a slightly farther drive to a small private college.
And it also felt good to not let my identity be driven by my alcoholism and addiction for a day. Just a normal father guiding and being guided by his exceptional son.
Although by the end of the day my back was sore and I was very tired, it was a good rewarding tired and I think Glen and I both grew a bit today.
Tomorrow night I'll have a meeting to attend and maybe the blog will be a bit more on topic, but for today I'll take normalcy and sunny weather.
Signing off,
Noel...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Begin at the Beginning
Greetings all,
Today (March 16, 2010) is the first day of the rest of this blog. I made it by 20 minutes.
For those of you have been following this blog via my former email reports, welcome.
This week has been keeping me very busy, which is a good thing, because as we all know, idle hands are the devil's tools (or something like that). I'll be taking Glen, my older son, on a couple college visits. It's hard to believe he's at that stage of life. The time has flown by, but rather than fret about how soon he'll be leaving the nest, I'm doing my best to enjoy it (cliche warning) one day at a time.
If I'm worrying about the future, I'm not engaged in the moment. It seems so simple, but we (as people, and especially as addicts) are apt to spend time inside our own heads rather than paying attention to what's happening at the present moment. So maybe that cliche holds a lot of wisdom.
We (as people, and especially as addicts) crave distraction. We go to great lengths to avoid or alter our senses. As a recovering addict, I'm particularly aware of that. Without the numbing effect of alcohol, unaltered raw existence can at times seem overwhelming. I hate to say it, but I am to some extent looking for alternatives, but ones that are healthy, like exercise, meditation, enjoying good fresh food. I'm particularly hooked at the moment on Boylan's Bottle Works Ginger Ale. I don't know if it's exactly healthy, but it's certainly better for me than alcohol.
It's getting late and I have to be in top shape for the drive in the morning. So I'm going to conclude here. In general, I will make a post a day, but I'm not going to be obsessed about it.
Thanks for your interest and comments are encouraged. But please remember to avoid using real names in your comments. Google turns up everything and the web is forever.
-- Noel Constant
Today (March 16, 2010) is the first day of the rest of this blog. I made it by 20 minutes.
For those of you have been following this blog via my former email reports, welcome.
This week has been keeping me very busy, which is a good thing, because as we all know, idle hands are the devil's tools (or something like that). I'll be taking Glen, my older son, on a couple college visits. It's hard to believe he's at that stage of life. The time has flown by, but rather than fret about how soon he'll be leaving the nest, I'm doing my best to enjoy it (cliche warning) one day at a time.
If I'm worrying about the future, I'm not engaged in the moment. It seems so simple, but we (as people, and especially as addicts) are apt to spend time inside our own heads rather than paying attention to what's happening at the present moment. So maybe that cliche holds a lot of wisdom.
We (as people, and especially as addicts) crave distraction. We go to great lengths to avoid or alter our senses. As a recovering addict, I'm particularly aware of that. Without the numbing effect of alcohol, unaltered raw existence can at times seem overwhelming. I hate to say it, but I am to some extent looking for alternatives, but ones that are healthy, like exercise, meditation, enjoying good fresh food. I'm particularly hooked at the moment on Boylan's Bottle Works Ginger Ale. I don't know if it's exactly healthy, but it's certainly better for me than alcohol.
It's getting late and I have to be in top shape for the drive in the morning. So I'm going to conclude here. In general, I will make a post a day, but I'm not going to be obsessed about it.
Thanks for your interest and comments are encouraged. But please remember to avoid using real names in your comments. Google turns up everything and the web is forever.
-- Noel Constant
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